My Baby’s Civil Rights Movement?

This post began with a comment I left over at smockityfrocks

“My heart has been heavy for all those babies lost to abortion since seeing a Salvation Army semi trailor advertisement stating that 125,000 babies are aborted daily (can that even be correct). Today I actually looked up abortion on planned parenthood’s website…and then saw your post after a random click on bloggingwithamy. I recently heard a dad say that abortion is the civil rights issue of our time….and have not stopped thinking how I always said I would do something during “the civil rights race equality” movement..I would have marched, I would have sat at the counter…at least I was convinced I would have but what am I doing to stand with the unborn child…I think I should continue this on my blog rather than eating up your space.”

I still remember the day I had an abortion…The male nurse walked into the emergency room and announced his ability to relate to my situation as his wife and he experienced ten abortions…

My eyes were about to pop our my head…my jaw set like stone…the tears I had cried all day through the painful contractions that ultimately lead to the termination of my twelve week pregnancy ceased ….and the hyperventilating lungs that failed me during the premature delivery of my child..filled with an explosive rush of air in I attempted to control my tongue  by clinching it between my grinding teeth…did he just say his wife and he had ten abortions…how does that relate to my situation?

He looked up and saw my emotions about to explode….”I am sorry. You do know that spontaneous abortion…is the medical term for miscarriage….”

My eyes betrayed my ignorance…the tears rushed forward in heaves as I gasped for air to regain control..swallowing hard repeatedly to push back the pain of my loss..the reality that my baby had died….and the reality that this man’s wife had lost ten babies was more than I wanted to fathom….

I quickly went into “big sister” mode…and consoled him and his wife in their repeated losses and smiled when he shared the joy they had in having one living child that came in the middle of the miscarriages….I had hope that someday too I would have a baby..in fact I began what became a consuming desire to have a baby…

My baby was only partially expelled from my womb.. I was sent home to complete the process and scheduled to see the doctor two days later….My first sonogram of my first pregnancy was to see how much of my little one still resided inside me..I refused to look at the screen…and I NEVER asked Boss Man what he saw.

The doctor arrived, announced I had miscarried…DUH…and I needed to undergo a D&C…but that I could feel confident that he oversaw two or three miscarriages a week…I was beginning to grow weary of the numbers being spouted to me by the medical staff in efforts to console me…

I was sent to the surgical center for the procedure….as I waited in the pre-op roomette behind a curtain I was able to follow the nurses conversations verbatim…

The topic?

What to buy for their co-workers baby shower. I shook my head and cried silent tears…

I awoke screaming at the same nurses after the D&C…begging them to give me my baby back….just give me my baby back! PLEASE! My baby….I just want my BABY…soon I realized were I was…I reluctantly stopped the cleansing rage and cried quiet..convulsing tears.

And that is how I feel when I hear about a baby being aborted…I want to yell…I want to cry…I want to explain that statistics do not console the mother, the father, the future siblings, the grandparents, cousins, or the baby that no longer has a beating heart.

If you are considering an abortion contact me please…and read about my niece’s birth.

And now that I am full of emotion I have a choice to make….My Baby’s Civil Rights Movement: Part Two. (tomorrow)

Comments

  1. Powerful.

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